Learning to manage anxiety in the presence of silence is another insight from the work of Weisbord and Janoff. As they suggest, “We are mindful that each time we break the silence, we deprive someone of a chance to make a valuable observation.” Waiting even 10 seconds will seem like an eternity, but it allows people to experience whatever is happening and come up with insights about what’s next.
I’ve written about the importance of having cheerleaders in your life, especially when you are trying something new and/or taking risks.
But we also need to step back and analyze who’s in our network more broadly in order that we don’t get blindsided by circumstances and perspectives we hadn’t considered.
Who do you interact with most and/or consult with around projects? Are they all like you? Or is your network diverse?
I have had several conversations the last week about how it is we change. There are many who believe that unearthing how we think about things is a key step in the change process, a great example the work of Kegan and Lahey who wrote Immunity to Change. I believed strongly in this for many years and find their model very powerful.
Then there is the compelling research of Amy Cuddy who suggests we fake it till we make it. In essence, we need to act like we are confident, happy, a leader, creative etc and eventually our thoughts will catch up because we will start experiencing something different.
As with many things these days I am starting to think it’s both, not either or … And depends on the person. For those given to endless negative rumination, faking it gets them out of their head. For those given to lots of action, getting into their heads might slow them down and lead to the change in behavior.
What do you think? What has led to your significant changes?
I’m a big fan of Julia Cameron’s work and have completed the Artist’s Way at Work many times over the years. Her latest blog on social media and creative energy is brilliant and this quote stood out for me. What’s interesting is the transition between immersion and submersion – how do we know when we’re heading towards submersion?
For some, it might be when the spa just doesn’t cut it anymore but here are a few other signals for me:
- I spend more time trying to figure out other people than trying to figure out me.
- I don’t protect my creative time.
- I find myself striving for perfection.
What are your signals?
And a big thanks to my friend Claire Abbott for sending me this quote. Dear readers, if any of you have an idea or quote for the blog please send it my way. This 30 day challenge is challenging my idea generating skills!
As leaders we do need to look after ourselves and I know many who make a visit to the spa with girlfriends a regular self-care ritual, myself included. (Not to overly stereotype but in my experience more women than men do this.)
When one of my clients said to me that the spa just wasn’t cutting it anymore, I took real notice. In the conversation that followed she explained her desire to take stock of her life, and bring some new energy and insight to it.
This takes courage and reminds me how important it is to make time for inner personal development work. The spa, while a temporary reprieve, just doesn’t really cut it when your soul is yearning.
I’ve observed and personally experienced different approaches to loss over the years. Whether it is personal or professional, minor or devastating, it seems that those who consistently “numb” (whatever that might be – working, drinking, dwelling, exercising too much, etc) seem to get stuck, often regress and sometimes even bring about their own death, metaphorically and physically.
Those who engage in learning reinvent themselves, often creating meaningful legacies around their particular loss or just finding new meaning and energy in their lives.
Some would say that without loss there is no growth or movement, that it’s actually necessary in order to create or bring about something new. As I reflect on my life, I agree. Our challenge it seems is to know when to stop circling the drain and get on with reinventing ourselves.
When it comes to our creativity and how we express it, there is no room to please those who hate what we do. It’s exhausting, we most likely won’t ever change their minds and it kills our souls. Better to please those who love what we do. There’s more of our creativity to explore from that perspective.
I often introduce experiential learning activities in my team coaching work with the line “how you do anything is how you do everything.” I was recently reminded of how powerful this can be … if we have the courage to look inward and acknowledge both the light and dark aspects of our tendencies.
I am a binge TV shows on Netflix kinda gal and had a rather interesting conversation with my husband about what that is saying about me. I declared it was because I like to learn about the complexities of the human condition. Dave gently suggested it might be a need to control. It is not, I heard myself say rather defensively.
Hmmm … now there’s something to ponder on a fine autumn day.
What can you learn about yourself and your leadership from your tendencies?